


It's Time To Start Paying Attention To Myself

by CalamityRondo



Series: Attention Whore [5]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Louis makes a decision, M/M, Making Up, Outing, larry stylinson - Freeform, married!Harry, not really there Ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-17 19:20:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalamityRondo/pseuds/CalamityRondo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his trip to Manchester, Louis ends up in London again. He doesn't appreciate the concern of his friends, he really doesn't, but in the end they are the only ones who can help him out of his misery. It's thanks to them Louis is finally getting better. So good, in fact, that he is even capable of saying no to Harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Time To Start Paying Attention To Myself

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this took so long, and I'm also sorry this is kind of short. I hope you will still enjoy!
> 
> I'm preparing for exam the next weeks, so I don't know when I will be able to get the next part done. Please bear with me, you lovely people.

Louis contemplates knocking, he really does. But then again he hopes his friends won't be home and he can sneak in to snatch his remaining stuff and leave before they come back, so he will have to use the key to the flat he still has with him. He will leave the thing on the kitchen counter before he walks out for good, but for now he is thankful that he has a mean to let himself in.

As soon as he turns the key and opens the door tentatively, he sees two heads whip around to around. He should have known by now that life doesn't like to be simple for him anymore, so of course his friends have to be home. He can't even take a breath before Niall is tightly secured around his neck.

“Lou!”, the blond half screams. His hug is bone-crushing, and Louis stumbles backwards with the force of the physical as well as the emotional action. Zayn approaches him more slowly, and when he stops right in front of him, he looks sternly at Louis. And then suddenly there is a sharp pain on his cheek—the one Eleanor has hit of all things—and Louis stumbles backwards even more. He hisses in pain, but Zayn just wraps his arms around him after that.

He gets squished between Niall and Zayn, both apparently trying to end him by pressing all the air out of his lungs. He just stands there awkwardly, not knowing how to respond to that. He doesn't get what his friends are doing, the time where he has had a grip on normal social interaction seeming long gone.

“Where have you been, asshole?”, Zayn demands without letting him go, and Louis almost submits to their friendliness, to their worry and their affection. Almost. But his life will just go farther down the drain if he stays with them, so he tries to sound distant.

“I'm just here to get my stuff, nothing else.”

“WHAT?!” It's Niall who wrenches his head back from where it has been settled against Louis' shoulder. He stares at Louis like he is mad. “Dude, you can't go! Why would you want to go? I mean, you look terrible and where would you go anyway? And wow—“, he stops and takes a look at Louis, like he hasn't really taken him in before. “Wow, Lou, you really do look terrible! Like, really real terrible.”

“Yeah, Ni's right”, Zayn agrees, and Louis wants to feel offended, but Zayn isn't done talking, so that distracts him. “Seriously, what the bloody hell has happened, Louis? Sorry, but we can't let you go like that. You're gonna talk to us, and then, maybe, we will let you go.”

Louis stares at some vague point on the opposite wall, avoiding eye contact with either of them. “There's nothing to talk about.” He has done enough talking with Eleanor. It has ended in a complete disaster, and he is not too keen on repeating that.

Zayn finally lets him go, but he wraps his hand around Louis' upper arm, and it actually hurts. The dark haired boy smolders him with a glare.

“We let you off the hook last time. But you can't expect to waltz in here looking like a bloody train wreck and expect us not to question a thing after we worried our asses off because of you!”

It's hard to keep up a cold exterior, but Louis has mastered the art of the coldhearted, distant diva long ago.

“I'm sorry my problems have caused you trouble, but they are still my problems.”

Zayn looks ready to punch him again. Even Niall looks upset, and that in itself is a feat.

“Stop being a fucking twat, will you?!”, Zayn spats. “We woke up after a nice evening with you and Harry to find you both gone. Harry we could call, but you were unreachable! You wouldn't answer your phone, and we had no clue where you have gone for three whole days! And now you're back with three-day-old stubble on your chin, you look like you haven't slept since you left and—have you even eaten anything? And you reek. Did you sleep in a dustbin or what? Fuck, Louis, you can't escape this! You decided to turn to us as friends when there was obviously something up with you. But the second you decided that, you made your problems into our problems. You. Will. Talk. To. Us. Because I'm not taking your shit any longer without not knowing why you're acting like that!”

Zayn's face is red with the amount he has just spoken without even taking a breath. His fingers are still digging into Louis' biceps, he is sure he will have stinging bruises after that.

“I don't think you want to know.”

Louis believes that, he really does, because if he told them everything, he would drag them into the problem, making them keep secrets from their best friend's wife.

“Didn't I get my message across loud and clear?”, Zayn asks, his voice impatient and angry. “Spill.”

Louis stares stubbornly at the opposite wall and says nothing.

“If you don't open your mouth now, I will tell Zayn”, Niall butts in. Louis squints at him and Zayn snaps his head around at him in surprise.

“You don't even know what's going on.”

“This is about Harry, innit?”

Louis sees Zayn's eyes widen even more, like he is surprised that Niall knows more than him. Louis is angry. They don't have a clue, they don't know a thing, so they should stop making stupid assumptions.

“This is about me!”, he snaps indignantly. Very suddenly he is jerked forward by Zayn who shuts the door in which they have still stood. Louis feels even more cornered now. But he is so tired, so, so tired that he just can't put up a fight any longer. He doesn't plan on staying with the boys after this, so why shouldn't he drive them away just like he did with Eleanor?

He slumps with his back against the closed door and scrubs a hand over his chin that is indeed very stubbly.

“I broke up with Eleanor.”

“WHAT? Why?”

Louis rolls his eyes at Niall's shriek. The boy should know exactly why, but Niall is happily living on planet oblivious most of the time.

“Because I like guys.”

“WHAT?!” Niall's voice is even more high-pitched this time. “I thought you only dug Harry!”

Zayn looks completely lost, his hand still gripping Louis hard, so Louis shakes him off annoyed, because he doesn't want anybody touching him right now.

“No, it's not just Harry”, he spats. “I like the junk, you know? The D. I like getting off with—“

“It's that why you're freaking out right now?”, Zayn interrupts him. “Because you figured out that you're gay?”

Louis swallows around the lump in his throat. The look Zayn is giving him isn't angry anymore, instead a mix of curious, sympathetic and fake calm. Louis knows Zayn doesn't judge him for being gay—the one thing he has always feared, but Zayn is at least bi himself as far as Louis is concerned, so he won't hate him—but he might judge him for the things he is going to tell him.

“No..”, he says weakly, but doesn't have a clue how to proceed from there. His friends—the friends he is so afraid of right now—always have his back, though, so Niall, who has apparently returned from planet oblivious, jumps in for him.

“Louis is probably freaking out, because he likes Harry.”

*

They are sitting on the couch now, and Louis is thankful for it, because the furniture gives him support where his knees might have buckled if he had remained standing. He has never in his entire life felt as relieved as he is feeling right now. He has told his friend everything, told them about knowing he is gay since high school, told them about his and Harry's curious phase, about denying his sexuality and breaking off with Harry and about realizing he still wanted him at the reception, or again or whatever.

He has never talked about all that openly like this, and he still can't believe how good that feels. It's like a dead weight has been pulled off of him, like he can finally breath again. And all his friends did was listen to his problems and give him hugs. They haven't made one comment about it, haven't told him off. It's more than Louis has ever hoped for.

He hasn't told them about his recent sexual encounters with Harry, though, because that is not only his secret but Harry's as well. He can't decide for Harry to spill his probably biggest secret. No, he won't drag him into his if he can help it.

"You can't tell him about this, Louis. I know this is hard on you and all, but he is married now and—"

"Yeah, I know, I owe him being a good friend and shutting up about it", Louis interrupts Zayn. This is nothing new for him. He has thought about that so many times his head was likely to explode. He knows he should have been a good friend from the start and never done any of this to begin with, but he is only human and Harry is ridiculously attractive.

The cushions shift when Niall throws himself on Louis' lap, hugging his lower torso, and Louis finds himself pulled into the arms of Zayn.

"Don't worry, I— _we_ will get you through this", Niall mumbles while his face is pressed against Louis' legs.

"Ni's right. We got your back, bro", Zayn agrees.

Tears well up in Louis' eyes, but for once they are not entirely out of sadness. He is overwhelmed with how great his friends are and how much they are supporting him. There are two warm bodies pressed to him, and Louis hasn't felt this good in weeks.

*

After his talk with Niall and Zayn his life gets considerably better which is no doubt thanks to the help of his friends. They have helped him back to his usual appearance--it was strange letting another person shave him—and they have greatly helped him get his life back together.

Niall has dragged him to an audition for a stage play, and Louis has miraculously gotten the role, so he finally has a job again that keeps him occupied. With the money he has started to pay rent to his friends, because he couldn't stand using them forever.

Zayn has cleared out a part of their wardrobe for him, so he wouldn't have to live out of his bag any longer, and Louis actually starts feeling at home in that little flat. And then Zayn has suggested they should move in together for real. They have spend the next week looking at different apartments until they found one they could afford, so that Louis gets his own room instead of sleeping on the couch all the time. Zayn and Niall still share their bedroom, but they say it's out of habit and they don't actually mind, plus the rent is cheaper that way.

They even drive with him in Zayn's car to his old flat in Manchester to get his stuff, letting Louis wait outside while they collect his belongings, so he wouldn't have to meet Eleanor.

Louis feels great with his new job and their new, nice apartment, and he feels great for being honest to at least two friends about his sexuality. He still feels too insecure to actually go out and hook up or meet someone, but it's fine with him. He has decided to wait with any dating stuff and rather concentrate on his life that is slowly growing back to it's former glory--or even better glory that is.

In fact, he feels so great that he isn't even bothered when Harry comes to visit again, to see their new flat. Louis takes precaution, though, and lets Zayn or Niall sits between them on the couch when they're watching movies, and he has a strict no-alcohol-rule for when they go out together. He pays attention to never be alone with Harry, and it works somehow. He stills feels uneasy around him, though, and he really wishes Harry would stop coming by quite so often, because his heart still tries to break out of his chest whenever he sees him. He is, after all, still infatuated with Harry.

*

"Taylor is a doing a gig tomorrow evening. It's the last before her album is released", Harry tells them when all four are squished into the kitchen while Zayn is making wraps and pancakes. They all know what that means. Once Taylor's album is released she is very likely to become famous really fast which in turn means there won't be any small, easy gigs for her in the future.

"I would like you come."

Zayn's flipping a pancake expertly, and Louis thinks he must have gotten that good because he is constantly asking Zayn to make some. "Sure, Haz. I'd like to see her one last time before the price for her tickets are going to sky-rocket."

"Yeah, li'l ol' Zayn and me can't afford them when that happens", Niall agrees. He scratches his chin in thought. "Louis might neither."

Harry laughs. "That makes four." They all join in with his laughter, because they know Harry will always get in for free and by extension that means they are all going to get tickets no matter what.

Louis is looking forward to see Taylor sing, because as much as he despises her for being the girl Harry is married to—although he tries to not let that bother him any more—he actually likes her songs and her voice.

*

The small bar is crowded and it's difficult to even breath. Louis admires Taylor for being able to sing in that kind of place. The room is so packed that somebody is constantly bumping into him and after the third shove or so he has received Louis has started to shoulder everyone back who even thinks of getting too close. So he rudely pushes his shoulder into someone when he gets tapped on said body part.

"Ow", Harry whines, but it's so slow and deep that it looses its effect entirely. Louis is ready to apologize, but Harry is already speaking again. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" His voice is so low that Louis would have almost missed it. It suggests that it's something serious he wants to talk about.

Louis is still not sure whether he should go with him. He would be alone with him, and that's never a good idea. Besides, he has been enjoying Taylor's show even though the place for his body has been severely limited. He has had two beers, because he has thought it safe for he would have very little actual encounters with Harry this evening. Now that seems a foolish thought. He alone with Harry being tipsy? Bad idea.

"Come on, Lou, please?" Puppy eyes. They're not as effective as Niall's, but they work nevertheless. Louis nods.

"Yeah, okay."

Harry leads them outside. The fresh air is doing wonders for Louis' head, and he greedily sucks in lungfuls of it. Beside him, Harry is fidgety, and Louis thinks he looks more of that sweet 16-year-old whose hands and feet were to big for his still growing body instead of that offensively attractive sex god he has turned into over the years. It's unfair, because Louis is sure he hasn't shaped up that good.

"I'm happy to be spending more time with you again, Lou", Harry says. Louis bites his lip, because this seems like a conversation he doesn't want to have. Yet. Or maybe never. Actually, he doesn't want to have any conversation with Harry. He feels his heart speed up as usual and his hands get sweaty.

"I'm kind of not", he says truthfully. The look Harry is giving him is confused and maybe just this side of sad.

"Why?"

Louis sighs. It should be obvious. Louis really likes Harry, and he is so glad he has been able to spend some time with him as friends again, but he just can't shake off the uneasy feeling around him. He can never relax when Harry's there, because he is in constant fear of doing something terribly wrong.

"You know what happens whenever we meet.."

There, he said it. He should get a medal for that, because the last thing he ever wanted to discuss are his sexual encounters with Harry. The curly haired boy looks crestfallen.

"Lou.. I'm sorry if I ever forced anything on you.."

Louis can't hold back a snort. He crosses his arms subconsciously. "Did it look like you did?", he asks. "And that's exactly the problem." He breathes in deeply and shakes his head. Whether or not he enjoyed those times is not important now. "Anyway, we can't keep doing that. You love Taylor, right?"

He feels stupid for adding that question. Of course, Harry loves her, she is his wife, goddammit. But he has felt the need to remind him of it. This is not for his confirmation, but for Harry's.

Shutting his mouth from words he has been going to say, Harry nods. "Yeah, I like her."

He seems like he wants to reach out and touch Louis, but Louis only gives a curt 'good', turns around and vanishes into the bar again. He needs to be away from Harry, because this conversation has been more exhausting for him than he'd like to admit.

*

He wants to give himself a high-five for that evening, though. Because he has told Harry off, and he has been drinking before and after speaking with him and yet nothing has happened which is a first. Louis is damn well pleased with himself. He is getting his life back under control.

Okay, maybe he has gone home that night and has jerked off to thoughts of Harry, but he still thinks it's an improvement. And if he keeps that up, maybe he will soon be ready to move on and find someone he has a realistic chance with.

He and Harry get along just like before, they still meet occasionally with Niall and Zayn. Try don't talk about that conversation and nothing happens between them. Louis thinks he can do this, he can actually be friends with Harry again, and he is very proud of himself for doing so good (even Zayn and Niall tell him so from time to time).

That is, until the doorbell rings, and Louis opens the door to find Harry standing there, looking lost.

"Taylor threatens to break up with me."


End file.
